CLOSE THE GENDER COMMUNICATION GAP

talking past each other
Classic sitcoms such as I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners earned their reputation with parodies of inept male female communication. I have an embarrassing history when it comes to communicating successfully with women. Two sisters, a couple of grown daughters, my wife and every family pet I’ve owned speak in an estrogen based code—a language I often pretend to understand.
By LSI publisher Art McNeil
I have often been accused of not listening by the women in my life. By popular request I had my hearing checked. The audiologist said I would experience some difficulty hearing voices at the high end of the human speaking range. When I asked for a letter to confirm these findings, she quickly closed gender ranks and refused to give me what could have been a valuable “get out of jail free” pass.
There may be a valid reason other than a hearing defect, as to why men seldom live up to the communication expectations of the fairer sex. According to pop psychologists, women are natural communicators. They have the uncanny ability of understanding through intuition, what others are trying to say. For example, my wife completes sentences for me. What’s really scary is that she is usually accurate.
In ancient times, women were assigned the clan’s critical gathering role. They collected berries, nuts, grains and other commodities from Nature’s extensive garden. Female finders developed the skill of scanning entire landscapes. They were trained to look behind, in front and from side to side in order to locate food. The most successful gatherers were those with the broadest scope. Women still use the “entire landscape” perspective when communicating. They need to discuss feelings and want to investigate the margins of every issue. Before enlightenment, I unwisely called this process “beating around the bush”.
Ancestral males by contrast, focused on bringing home the bacon. They were red meat hunters and evolved quite differently. Over many centuries, men developed the skill of zeroing in on a specific target. Success demanded the segregation of one beast from other possibilities. They were conditioned to make life and death decisions without emotion.
Modern man is no different. During the process of listening, he is predisposed to latch on to whatever he perceives as “the problem.” An annoying side effect of this genetic trait is that once locked on, he becomes oblivious to everything else.
Men instinctively view their job as solving specific problems—marginal dialogue (feelings et al) conflict with this perspective. It is difficult for uninformed males to comprehend but women prefer being heard, before they hear about your viable solution.
Ladies, if you want to improve communications with the men in your life, let them know specifically what you want at the beginning of the conversation. Get rid of unproductive salutations such as “honey.” Start with a red meat attention getter. “Hunter, I don’t want a solution here. What I need is for you to really listen.” If you are communicating with a difficult case, be assertive. “You will be successful if at the end of this conversation I feel heard. Until I give the word, your ideas and opinions are out of bounds. Offering anything but undivided attention is unacceptable.”
Good hunting ladies
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